Gold Star Mother's Day

Gold Star Mother's Day is the last Sunday in September every year.  I've been thinking about what to write for Gold Star Mother's Day for over a month. Why is this post late? Because of an unexpected three dog emergency that occurred early Sunday morning after my oldest sons 8th birthday camp out party. The true nature of an emergency means leaving with only what you have on your persons. Sadly my lap top was not on me at the time of the emergency for the three unexpected days I had to spend in Reno, which is in the next state and an hour and a half drive, hence a belated posting.

I have met a few Gold Star Mothers, and I still have no idea what to say to them. The thought of losing a child is so devastating that I can't bear to even think about it. So what does one say to a Mother who's lost a child? "Thank you for your sacrifice" not only seems inadequate, but also unsuitable.  I personally don't know what my reaction would be if someone thanked me for the sacrifice of one of my children but I'm not sure it would be positive.

I was debating on the proper words to say to a Gold Star Mother  beginning my long drive home with three alive, but still sick doggies when I saw this truck driving in front of me.

This Nevada registered truck also had a Gold Star Family license plate. If this truck would have pulled into a shopping center, I would have followed. I would have approached. I would have admitted I have no idea what to say to a Gold Star Family member, but that I wanted to express my heartfelt sympathy for the loss their son.

If you come across a Gold Star Family member I encourage you to say something. I've been told from one Gold Star Mother, if you speak from the heart you can't go wrong.

You can read about the life of PFC Nicholas R. Wilde here http://www.pomeradonews.com/2005/08/31/former-poway-man-dies-in-marine-training-exercise/

If you knew PFC Nicholas R. Wilde and have any pictures of him, I'm sure his family would appreciate you adding them to his Memorial album
http://travel.webshots.com/album/435255031suLAlX

Thanking A Vietnam Veteran

Today while standing in a decent sized line at the Pharmacy there were two gentlemen sitting in chairs waiting for their names to be called. One man was lifting his sleeves and pant legs showing off his ink. He pointed to his arm saying, "This is from when I was in the service." Then proceeded to list off a division, and a unit I didn't quite catch. The other man asked, "Vietnam?" The man said yes, quickly moving on to the next tattoo.

Soon my name was called, I had my items, and as I walked past I stopped in front of the Vietnam Veteran and said, "Thank you for your service." He said, "What?" I smiled, "I over heard your conversation, Thank you for serving our country." The man's face turned hard, his gaze steely. I continued to smile, "I truly appreaciate all you've done for me and my family by serving in the military." The mans face softened a little, he gave me a slight head nod and a slit of a smile, "You're very welcome."

I thank people for their service all the time, this man is the first Veteran to look at me sternly, questioningly, defensively.  It makes me wonder if I'm the first person to sincerely thank him for his service and sacrifices.

The Veterans Awareness Coalition has a wonderful article titled What is a Vietnam Veteran. I encourage you all to read it.

Former Governor Schwarzenegger signed a State Assembly Bill 717 two years ago making March 30th Welcome Home Vietnam Veterans Day, but shouldn't everyday be thank a Vietnam Veteran Day?

Photo Courtesy Kristina Divine

I AM YOUR FLAG

As I mentioned in a previous post, shortly after hearing of the tragedy of the helicopter in Afghanistan which took 30 American lives the majority of which were Navy SEAL's, I was in attendance at a Cub Scout Camp Out with my two sons.

The Cub Scout along with several of the fathers in attendance were Veteran's. The Flag Retirement Ceremony is always emotional, but with the added deaths it seemed heavier. The Cub Master read the following poem, which to me seemed to go beyond Our Flag speaking to us, but the Fallen Men and Women of our Country speaking to us. I felt as if every person who had ever fought for Our Flag was speaking the words.

With permission I have the Cub Scout I AM YOUR FLAG poem that was read at our ceremony.

“I am your Flag. I appear in many places. I have taken many forms and been called many names. I was authorized by Congress in 1818 in the form you see now and have remained unchanged except to add a new star each July 4^th after a new State joined the Union until I reached my present number of 50.”

“I am more than just red, white, and blue cloth shaped into a design. I am a silent sentinel of freedom. People of every country in the world know me on sight. Many countries love me as you do. Other countries look at me with contempt because they don’t allow the freedom of Democracy that I represent – but they do look on me with respect. I am strong and the people of America have made me strong. My strength comes from your willingness to give help to those who are in need. You strive for world peace, yet stand ready to fight oppression. You send resources and offer technology to less fortunate countries so they may strive to become self-sufficient. You feed starving children. You offer a home to anyone who will pledge allegiance to America. “

“Your sons gather beneath me to offer their lives on the battlefields, to preserve the Liberty I represent. That’s why I love the American people. That’s why I have flown so proudly.”

“Scouts and their families are some of my favorite people. I listen to your patriotic songs. I’m there at your flag ceremonies and I appreciate the tender care you give me. I feel the love when you say your pledge. I notice that your hand covers your heart when I am on parade. How smartly you salute as I pass by and I ripple with pleasure when I see it. I have had the great Honor of being your flag of the United States of America.”

“But now I am tired and it’s time for me to rest in the Sacred Flames of your campfire. My colors are faded and my cloth is tattered but my spirit remains unbroken.”

“As you watch me burn, do not be sad or feel sorry for me. I will be back the next time you need me, and my colors will be fresh and bright and my edges won’t be ragged anymore. Next time when I climb to the top of the flagpole I’ll wave at you and remember the love and respect that you have showed me here tonight.”

Have you ever witnessed a Flag Retirement Ceremony? How has it impacted you?

Gratitude

I always assumed my best friend's husband tolerated me. After my best friend came back from vacation with her family I received this note from her husband.

Kris, you inspired me to do something while on vacation. While having breakfast one morning I noticed an older man and his wife sitting there. He was wearing an "army - retired" hat with unit pin and purple heart pin, obviously seen action. So I went up to him and thanked him for his service. He turned his hat around and showed me the POW pin. 3 years as a Korean war POW. It was incredible. So thank you Kris for helping me meet this man.

This is the sort of interaction I have every chance I get when I see anyone in a uniform, Veteran's Hat, Unit shirt, or Blue Star insignia. Knowing I've inspired others to follow my example and share the gratitude every American should feel for those who serve gives me a sense of accomplishment.

Have you ever voiced your gratitude? Was it a rewarding experience for you?

Glamourous Military Pay

This is an Airman's response to Cindy Williams' editorial piece in the Washington Times about MILITARY PAY, it should be printed in all newspapers across America .

Ms. Cindy William wrote a piece for the Washington Times denouncing the pay raise(s) coming service members' way this year citing that she stated a 13% wage increase was more than they deserve.

A young airman from Hill AFB responds to her

article below. He ought to get a bonus for this.

"Ms Williams:

I just had the pleasure of reading your column, "Our GI's earn enough" and I am a bit confused. Frankly, I'm wondering where this vaunted overpayment is going, because as far as I can tell, it disappears every month between DFAS (The Defense Finance and Accounting Service) and my bank account. Checking my latest earnings statement I see that I make $1,117.80 before taxes per month. After taxes, I take home $874.20. When I run that through the calculator, I come up with an annual salary of $13,413.60 before taxes, and $10,490.40 after.

I work in the Air Force Network Control Center where I am part of the team responsible for a 5,000 host computer network. I am involved with infrastructure segments, specifically with Cisco Systems equipment. A quick check under jobs for "Network Technicians" in the Washington , D.C. area reveals a position in my career field,

requiring three years^T experience in my job. Amazingly, this job does NOT pay $13,413.60 a year. No, this job is being offered at $70,000 to $80,000 per annum............ I'm sure you can draw the obvious conclusions.

Given the tenor of your column, I would assume that you NEVER had the pleasure of serving your country in her armed forces.

Before you take it upon yourself to once more castigate congressional and DOD leadership for attempting to get the families in the military's lowest pay brackets off of WIC and food stamps, I suggest that you join a group of deploying soldiers headed for AFGHANISTAN ; I leave the choice of service branch up to you. Whatever choice you make though, opt for the SIX month rotation: it will guarantee you the longest possible time away from your family and friends, thus giving you full "deployment experience."

As your group prepares to board the plane, make sure to note the spouses and

children who are saying good-bye to their loved ones. Also take care to note that several families are still unsure of how they'll be able to make ends meet while the primary breadwinner is gone. Obviously they've been squandering the "vast" piles of cash the government has been giving them.

Try to deploy over a major holiday; Christmas and Thanksgiving are perennial favorites.. And when you're actually over there, sitting in a foxhole, shivering against the cold desert night, and the flight sergeant tells you that there aren't enough people on shift to relieve you for chow, remember this: trade whatever MRE's (meal-ready-to-eat) you manage to get for the tuna noodle casserole or cheese tortellini, and add Tabasco to everything. This gives some flavor.

Talk to your loved ones as often as you are permitted; it won't be nearly long enough or often enough, but take what you can get and be thankful for it. You may have picked up on

the fact that I disagree with most of the points you present in your open piece.

But, tomorrow from KABUL , I will defend to the death your right to say it.

You see, I am an American fighting man, a guarantor of your First Amendment right and every other right you cherish...On a daily basis, my brother and sister soldiers worldwide ensure that you and people like you can thumb your collective noses at us, all on a salary that is nothing short of pitiful and under conditions that would make most people cringe. We hemorrhage our best and brightest into the private sector because we can't offer the stability and pay of civilian companies.

And you, Ms.. Williams, have the gall to say that we make more than we deserve?

A1C Michael Bragg, Hill AFB AFNCC

IF YOU AGREE,

PLEASE PASS THIS ALONG TO

AS MANY PEOPLE AS POSSIBLE AND SHOW YOUR SUPPORT OF THE AMERICAN FIGHTING MEN AND WOMEN.

If you get this more than once, feel honored that you know more than one person who supports our military and appreciates what they do.

If you don't forward it, you don't deserve their sacrifice.

Note: According to Snopes.com this is a real person and a real published article from 2009. I have no idea if he's still in the  Military or what is rank would currently be. However, I don't think too much has change in the last 2 years.  If you are a Veteran, Active Duty, or a Blue Star Family I encourage you to comment on your thoughts.

A Lifetime Of Honor

Teachers, much like doctors, are expected to know all the answers. We're teachers, right? But as a teacher, I will be the first person to tell you that I do not know everything. At times, ashamed of my ignorance, I wonder, "why was I never taught about that?"

This sensation was repeated just last night when I received a forwarded email detailing the Tomb Of The Unknown Solider and the Old Guard. The teacher in me had to confirm if the information in the email was correct. After a little bit of research I found some of the email's "information" to be true and some rumor.  Regardless, the true meaning of the Tomb and the story of the Soldiers who guard it is worth knowing.  I have decided to share it here because I want to show the unaware (like myself merely a day ago) the critical emphasis the United States puts on honoring its fallen warriors, even if their identities remain forever unknown.

The Tomb Of The Unknown Solider is located in Arlington National Cemetery, Virginia. On March 4 1921, Congress approved the burial of an unknown Soldier in the plaza of the Memorial Amphitheater.  On Memorial Day 1921, four unknown American Soldiers from WWI were exhumed in France.  On October 24^th of that same year, Army Sgt. Edward F. Younger (who was wounded in combat, highly-decorated for valor and received the Distinguished Service Medal) placed a spray of white roses on the casket of the chosen unknown Solider who would be interned at the Tomb of the Unknown. On Armistice Day (later renamed Veteran’s Day), November 11, 1921 President Warren G. Harding officiated the ceremonies of the Unknown Soldier.  

On August 3^rd 1956 President Dwight D. Eisenhower signed a bill to select and honor unknown Soldiers from WWII and Korea. The WWII solider was chosen by Navy Hospitalman 1st Class William R. Charette, then the Navy's only active-duty Medal of Honor recipient. Army Master Sgt. Ned Lyle had the distinguished honor of choosing the Unknown Soldier from the Korean War. On Memorial Day 1958 President Eisenhower awarded each soldier the Medal of Honor before laying them in their final resting places.  

On May 17^th 1984 at a ceremony held at Pearl Harbor, Medal of Honor recipient U.S. Marine Corps Sgt. Maj. Allan Jay Kellogg Jr. chose the Unknown Soldier from Vietnam. The Unknown Soldier arrived in California where he began his journey across the country to the Nation’s Capitol where President Ronald Regan and Mrs. Regan were among the many visitors to pay their respects in the Capitol. On Memorial Day 1984, the Unknown Soldier of Vietnam was carried on an Army caisson through the Capitol to Arlington National Cemetery.  There, President Regan presided over the ceremony awarding the Medal Of Honor to the Unknown Soldier, standing in as the Soldier’s next of kin, and accepting the interment flag at the end of the ceremony.  

Due to scientific advancement the remains of the Vietnam Unknown Soldier were exhumed and identified through DNA testing in May of 1998. The solider was identified as Air Force 1st Lt. Michael Joseph Blassie, who was shot down near An Loc, Vietnam, in 1972. It has been decided to leave the Vietnam tomb vacant.

The Tomb of the Unknown Soldier represents the respect and gratitude of a Nation.  A declaration to never forget anyone, even those whose names, locations, and final resting spots are unknown. It is a place for family members and friends to help find closure and solace.  

Another component of the respect of a grateful nation is the Old Guard. The Old Guard is also known as the 3^rd US Infantry, the oldest active duty infantry unit in the Army. The 3^rd US Infantry has been serving Our Nation since 1784.  The Old Guard is the official ceremonial unit presiding over all military ceremonies connected with the Arlington National Cemetery and the President of the United States, in addition to providing security during an emergency or civil disturbance.  

One of the positions the Old Guard holds at Arlington National Cemetery is that of Sentinel of the Tomb of The Unknown Soldier.  Members of the Old Guard who become Sentinels are hand picked volunteers who are arduously tested through different phases for more than nine months before granted the honor of wearing the permanent silver badge of an Old Guard Sentinel. There have been over 500 Sentinels, three of which were women, who have guarded the Tomb since 1926. In July 1937, the order went from daylight to a full twenty-four hour guard.  

Lets put that into perspective, for nearly the last 73 years, or more than 26,600 days (at the time of this writing), there has been a Sentinel guarding; honoring the Tomb of The Unknown Soldier in the heat of summer, rain of hurricanes, deep snow of winter for twenty-four hours without interruption.   

The Sentinel's mission is to keep the highest standards and traditions of the Nation while keeping a constant vigil, while preventing any disrespect or desecration towards the Tomb of the Unknown Solider. Yet their presence is not the only sign of honor and dedication they exhibit. The Sentinel’s take exactly twenty-one steps continuing to echo the twenty-one gun salute.  On the Sentinel’s 21^st step, he or she turns towards the Tomb to pay respects for twenty-one seconds.  After this, the Sentinel turns “down the mat” as it is called, changing the rifle to his or her outside shoulder, and waiting another twenty-one seconds before taking the twenty-one steps to repeat the process.  

Every single aspect of the Tomb of The Unknown Soldier shows honor, tradition, and respect. I have never been to the East Coast, but when I do make the trip I plan on seeing what I can only imagine is a somber and beautiful tradition of honor. I hope to see you there. 

References: Society of the Honor Guard- Tomb of the Unknown Soldier

                     Arlington National Cemetery

"I Remember"

I’m not really sure that I like hearing people thank me for my military service.  It always sounds strange, if nothing else.  What do you say when a stranger walks up to you and says, “thank you for fighting for my freedom?”  Do you say you’re welcome?  It seems silly.

I don’t doubt the sincerity of these remarks in the least.  People want to acknowledge veterans, which I certainly appreciate, but there has to be a better way to do it.  Saying, “thank you for my freedom” is clunky, however genuine, and my response, a hesitant, “you’re welcome” seems equally out-of-place.  Thankful for what?  That you have no idea?

There are things that should be better known about veterans.  Frankly, I don’t think I’ve heard anybody talk about them before, which could be part of the problem.  First, while we all enjoy hearing somebody acknowledge our service, part of us is thinking, “you have no idea what you’re thanking me for.”  Another part of us is somewhat embarrassed, since not one of us, when under fire, running for cover, or rushing to the aid of a fallen comrade is thinking about our country, patriotism, or freedom.  We’re thinking about the guys next to us or the guy on the ground and praying to God that they all live to come home.  We’re also praying for our own safety.

Yet another part of us feels that we don’t deserve the thanks, even though we enjoy it.  The ones who deserve it never lived long enough to hear it.  You may say, “thank you,” but we’re thinking “no, thank THEM – even though they can’t hear you now.”  You thank us, but in our heart of hearts, not one of us – the living – believe we’ve done nearly enough.

We deployed as cohesive units, dysfunctional little families sent out into strange places where we endured a myriad of attacks and lost some of our friends and comrades.  Though we all know that war invariably sends home fewer than arrived, we view the holes in the ranks with a degree of personal failure.  None of us did enough.

Then we get angry at people for being ignorant and trying to approach us with gratitude we don’t feel we deserve.  Some of us accuse you of being condescending, though I don’t think any of you are.  You just don’t know what else to say, and we don’t have a clue what to say in return.  Point at some graves and say “thank them?”  It seems disrespectful – not only to you, but also to the many we’ve seen broken and fallen.

There are demons in all of us saying, “If you have all you limbs, you didn’t do enough.  If you had bullets left, you didn’t shoot enough.  If you got out before the war was ended and won, you didn’t serve enough.  If you lived, you didn’t sacrifice enough, so you don’t deserve any thanks.”  Some people call it survivor’s guilt.  I just call it reality.  The veteran experience is one of intense pride but marred with equally intense grief.  We made it, but others did not, so we must not have given it our fullest.  “Thank you” is hard to hear, and harder still to answer.

How about saying this: “I remember.”  That solemn statement is enough.  We don’t expect you to fully understand what a war is like, which is fine.  We served so you don’t have to know – ever.  But we do want you to remember.  Remember that there are only two days in the year when veterans, both living and dead receive any unified recognition for their service and sacrifices.  Remember that if you put up a flag, you really shouldn’t take it down when the “holiday” is over.  Remember that there are thousands of families that feel the pang of a missing loved one every day; not just Memorial Day and Veterans’ Day. 

Remember that there are men and women who did things and will never be the same.  Remember that there are generations of broken bodies and hearts who will forever be convinced that they should have done more.  Remember that the living veterans will never forget the faces of the dead – and wonder why some survived and others did not.  Remember that this country and the freedoms we all enjoy aren’t innate; they were purchased at high cost.  We didn’t purchase them, not really, but we fought alongside those who did.  And we remember them more than anybody.  They’ll haunt us until we join them…

Copyright © 2010, Ben Shaw, All Rights Reserved

www.byshaw.com
www.byshaw.com/blog

Showing Thanks

Today I took my boys to three cemeteries to honor the Veterans laid to rest there; my boys placed flags by the headstones. I was planning on taking them anyway, but now that my oldest is a Cub Scout we were able to take part in the event with them.

I had my first visit to a cemetery when I was 7, to bury my best friend, my companion, my Grandfather. Even then I remember looking at the headstones wondering about the stories of the men and women laid to rest there.

It only took 15 minutes for my 4.5 year old to become board and start with the "I'm hungry. I'm thirsty. I'm cold. I'm hot. I want to go home." I closed my eyes counting to 10 to restore my patience when it occurred to me; he had no idea why we were in the cemetery and what we were doing. I knelt down in front of my son, "Do you know why we are here?" He shook his head no, so I explained.

"Memorial day is a day of remembrance of those who fought in our Armed Forces to keep us safe. By placing flags at their graves we are saying, 'I remember what you did for me.' We are showing them respect. We are showing them we care." His eyes widened as he looked over the cemetery at all the flags that had already been placed. He looked up at me in earnest and said, "I want to help. I need to say thank you."

After the explanation of our purpose, he was focused, looking for any sign on a head stone that indicated the person resting there was in the Armed Forces. There was no more complaining or whining; only a single minded focus to say thank you to the hundreds of men who fought for our Country.

This goes to show even a mere child can "get it." I encourage you to take the time to explain it to them. Visit a cemetery. Let them see the flags proudly flapping in the wind. Let the children say Thank You. Let them see YOU say Thank You.

How to Observe Memorial Day

USMC81 has very good points on How to Observe Memorial Day and why it should be observed on his blog. I have reposted his list, but you should read his full article here.

How to Observe Memorial Day:

• by visiting cemeteries and placing flags or flowers on the graves of our fallen heroes.
• by visiting memorials.
• by flying the U.S. Flag at half-staff until noon.
• by flying the 'POW/MIA Flag' as well (Section 1082 of the 1998 Defense Authorization Act).
• by participating in a "National Moment of Remembrance": at 3 p.m. to pause and think upon the true meaning of the day, and for Taps to be played.
• by renewing a pledge to aid the widows, widowers, and orphans of our fallen dead, and to aid the disabled veterans.

Source: http://www.usmemorialday.org/observe.htm

Bleeding Red

What color do our Men and Women in the Armed Forces bleed for us? The answer is red. In Honor of their sacrifice a grassroots organization has started Red Shirt Fridays.  There are 52 Friday's in a year (unless of course it's a leap year, then it's 53) which is just a really good beginning to letting our Armed Forces know we care.  We support them.  We have not forgotten them.

I expect everyone to wear a red shirt on every Friday. If you don't own a red shirt, Red Shirt Fridays Organization has partnered up with a company that makes them, inexpensive, and all profits go to support the troops. There are other sites out as well who make Red Friday Shirts, no excuses.  Make it happen at your school, office, and in your family.

Never Enough

When a soul that has touched your heart dies, it leaves a scar.  Much like when two teenagers carve into a picnic table, the scar leaves a mark saying, “I was here.  I was loved.”  The scar is not visible to the naked eye, but is forever embedded into the fabric of your soul.  At first the numbness kicks in.  You think about what needs to be done.  Who needs to be contacted?  What arrangements need to be made?  Then, when you’re alone, and it’s quiet, it hits you.  You will never again hear their voice, touch their skin, see their smile, be mad at them for not replacing the toilet paper roll when they were the last one to use it. 

And you cry.

Perhaps as you cry, you look at a picture.  You remember their warmth, laughter, intelligence, and stubbornness.  You realize then, there will never be enough.

Never enough pictures of them for you to look at.  Never enough memory to hold all of the stories they told you, all the advice they gave. You look at your pictures, a few cards, maybe some clothes’, and you think, “This is not enough.” 

That is when the “Not Fair” part of your brain kicks in.  It’s not fair that they died.  It’s not fair that other people have their loved ones, and you don’t have yours.  It’s not fair when you look at their favorite sweatshirt and know they will never wear it again.  It’s not fair when the phone rings and the little voice in your head thinks it’s your loved one, only for it to be a solicitor to which you go off the handle on, because you don’t want anyone to know you were foolish enough to expect a call from a dead person. 

Soon you’re angry.  You’re angry the person had the nerve to die.  That they left you here without them.  How exactly are we supposed to go on without them?  You yell or snap at friends who have the nerve to say, “I’m sorry for your loss.” Really? They are sorry for what exactly? They are sorry someone you loved died? Or they are sorry that you’re hurting because someone you loved died.  Because being sorry doesn’t take away the fact you still have time with your loved one, and I don’t.  How exactly does saying sorry mend the torrential hole in the heart caused by this death?  Oh wait…. It doesn’t.

Eventually you feel guilty.  Guilty that you didn’t spend enough time with them when they were here.  Guilty that you wouldn’t eat at their favorite restaurant… one more time.  Guilty that you yelled at them when they forgot to take the garbage out.  Guilty that maybe you didn’t listen enough, care enough, love them enough, laugh enough, that you didn’t do everything you could at the end.  You feel guilty that you weren’t enough, when they needed you most.

Everyone at some time will experience death carving scars on their souls.  Everyone will have empty holes in their hearts in the shape of their loved one.  How does one get through such pain? Through Honor.  Honoring the memory of their loved one.  Telling stories, remembering, laughing, and loving.  Sometimes honor hurts, but eventually it gets easier. 

May 31^st is Memorial Day, a day which should be reserved for honor, in all of its definitions.  A day for everyone- civilian, military, immigrants, ALL UNITED STATES CITIZENS no matter how new to this world, or how experienced in age, should honor those brave men and women who fought for our country, and died.  I can guarantee their families wish for more pictures, more memories, more smiles, more laughter, more hugs, more kisses than what they have, so honor them, and their sacrifices for you.

Military Tribute. "When you Come Back to Me Again"

H/T to Krystal.

Honor

I wanted to make sure everyone sees this, because lets face it... it's worth seeing.  The creator is my friend over at http://www.thesniper.us/ he is currently working out issues with Copy Right Laws so he can make posters for sale. I will be sure to post when he's ready for business.