To encourage and fortify relationships between military service members, veterans, their families, their friends, and their Country; to nurture the path of communication for everyone, ensuring that no one is alone or left behind; and proving that we have not, are not, and will never forget the nobility of their sacrifices.

Friday, December 2, 2011

Devastation, Life, and PTSD

As I have posted here before, I have been battling PTSD for 8 years.  No, it’s not military related, as I’ve never served in the military. PTSD is not military exclusive it’s trauma exclusive. 

Christmas Eve 2010 was the first day of this dreadfully long year of 2011.  This year has throttled me with loss, death, betrayal, and lies in every aspect of my life.  Most times I feel as if I’m drowning in Jell-O wishing someone would throw me some fruit to use as a floatation device.  Having new triggers surface doesn’t do much for my sunny personality either.  I know I’m irritable, easily agitated, and withdrawn.  It doesn’t help that I’m constantly haunted, making the most mundane tasks difficult and frustrating.  Of course, I can’t let anyone know how I really feel, I’m SUPER MOM amongst many other titles.  I have responsibilities; I don’t have time for this.  Living in a secluded area means help is as close as 2 hours away.  Then there is the fact even doctors don’t know what to do with me, unless you count drugging me out of my gourd as a treatment plan. 

Who am I? I am a natural disaster.  Life as I knew it is over never to be the same.  I am now tasked with building a new life from the rubble around me, a task that seems more than a little terrifying. 

What has helped as I go through the rubble of my life deciding what pieces to keep and what pieces to throw away? Yoga.  Don’t laugh.  A reflection in Yoga The Iyengar Way by Silva, Mira and Shyan Metha says, “Emotions sway the mind from moment to moment, disturbing steadiness and peace.  Yoga opens and stabilizes your center, making the mind strong, able to withstand emotional strains.”  I have to agree, and I think the ladies over at War Retreat would agree as well.  War Retreat is an organization, which helps local yoga groups help Veterans.

Because I am so close to this topic, it is difficult to write about, so instead I am posting links to some of my favorite articles over at War Retreat.  I encourage you to bookmark War Retreat and visit them often. 

As for me, I will shower and dress, even when I don’t feel like it.  I will channel my inner Little Engine That Could as I climb mountains ahead.  I will take all of my broken pieces and I will breathe as I slowly discover the new pieces of me and how they fit together using yoga to calm my mind.  

1 comment:

CI-Roller Dude said...

you can get past PTSD, and just remmeber all the stupid people you know- they'll never get better.